olivia_anything on Healthkicker

Monday, 17 November 2008

Recovery... Or something like it

So I haven't posted in a while. I'd like to say I've been busy, but in truth I'm just lazy. Well on the weekend I was busy working. It was crap but I went to a job interview yesterday! So I might get a new job which would be great :)
Okay so yesterday I broke down and told L that I had relapsed over the past 6 months. He said he suspected but didn't want to say anything incase I hadn't. He was so upset and worried and it really made me want to try and change. So he took me to Woolworths and he helped me pick out some foods that aren't too scary so that I will be able to eat 3 small meals a day. We bought Cheerios (the breakfast cereal) for breakfast, soup sachets for lunch and Weight Watchers meals for dinner. This morning I got up at ten and made myself a bowl of Cheerios and I felt okay. So we'll see how it goes and if I can keep it up. I really hope I can, for L's sake.
Alright well I'm out. I might go for a walk or something.

Thursday, 13 November 2008

Failure

I broke my fast in the very worst way possible.
BINGE. Now, this wasn't your typical binge. I ate in total around 850 cals in one sitting. Holy crap. The reason I call it a binge is because I wasn't hungry, I just ate because I felt out of control and it was all right there in front of me. I'm an idiot and a failure. I only made it to 48 hours. I REALLY wanted to make it 72 this time. I was so determined. I just have no willpower. And you know what else? I really hate complaining about this. Because it makes me seem like an attention seeker which is the last thing I want to do. But I need to put it down somewhere and here I guess is the easiest place to put it.
I'm fasting again tomorrow until Sunday. That's 72 hours and I'm not going to let anything break me.
Other than that, tomorrow the girls and I have decided that we're going back to our old school (we graduated last year in November) dressed in our school uniforms and visit our old teachers. So that should be super fun.
Anyway it's 11.30pm and I really think I should exercise for a while, so I'm off to do that. Thankyou to everyone who commented before with your kind words and support. It means a lot to me.
Fasting

So it's my 45th hour of fasting and I'm getting to that horrible stage where you feel all jittery and sick. I really want to eat something but I know I would binge. I'm shaking all over, I can barely type, my heart is beating way too quickly but I can't bring myself to eat anything. Not even a celery stalk.
I need someone to tell me that it's okay to break my fast. I need someone to tell me I'm not going to gain if I eat one stalk of celery. But I also really want to complete this fast. I haven't fasted in ages and this just shows the difference between 0-5 cals a day and 200-500 cals a day, which is what I usually survive on. And I say survive in the loosest sense of the word.
Please someone help me.
Please.

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

fast countdown.

~~1 2 3~~ (midnight) ~~4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15~~ (midday) ~~16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27~~ (midnight) ~~28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39~~ (midday) 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 (midnight) 52 53 54 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 (midday) 65 67 68 69 70 72
So far so good, all I have had is 2 sugar free red-bulls since I started.
Work just called and asked if I could close tonight and I told them that I have a dinner party tonight (which is true, although I won't be eating haha) but because I hate letting people down without at least trying to help out; I said I would try to cancel and I'd call back in half an hour. Which is stupid because now when I call back, what is my reasoning for not being able to cancel going to a friends dinner party?!! It's ridiculous. I'm so stupid. If anyone can give me a good excuse in the next half an hour or so- I would be forever in your debt.